Over the weekend I received an email from a woman who apparently watched my "Branding Secrets of Santa Claus" live webinar replay. Here is the entire message:
"Thanks for the content, but why don't you value my time? I don't need to wait for you to drink your coffee."
I actually thought she was just being funny, but to be sure I responded with:
"Excuse me? I don't understand."
She immediately replied:
"While the content of your message was useful, your delivery seemed scattered. A lot of time while you looked for the light, drank your coffee, etc. You could have made this video much more concise."
So suffice it to say, she was serious. During my free, live webinar, I made the mistake of taking a drink of coffee and fixing one of my lights, which took a grand total of 27.1 seconds of her valuable time.
Without boring you with the specifics of the rest of our back-and-forths, I told her she took herself too seriously and didn't belong among my BFFs, so I banned her from my lists. Of course, she used a second email address and stated that apparently I can't take constructive criticism.
And that's where I get annoyed.
I get annoyed because when people get called to the carpet for saying something like she did, they often hide behind the haughty, "Oh, I guess you don't want any constructive criticism."
There's no such thing as "constructive" criticism. That phrase in itself is an oxymoron.
Dictionary.com defines criticism as, "…the act of passing severe judgment; censure, faultfinding." And more often than not, the criticism is not only unwelcome, it's unnecessary. Critics, too often, want to sound smart, not helpful, and nowadays hide behind "Internet courage," i.e. saying something electronically they would never have the guts to say in person.
I'm sure many of you are thinking I'm making a mountain out of a molehill…that this is no big deal and I should just shrug it off. I disagree. In my experience, people who intentionally offer "constructive" criticism to me offer it to everybody else and they usually get away it. They are bullies. I have no intention of letting someone get away with it. It stops with me.
Does this mean I don't accept or expect feedback or disagreement with my speeches, writings, or thinkings? Of course not. If we all agreed on everything, then one of us would be redundant…and it wouldn't be you.
I want to make you uncomfortable and challenge your heuristics. And I welcome the same from you. But if you say to me, "I don't need to wait for you to drink your coffee," that neither challenges my thinking, nor is it constructive.
And don't even think about getting me started on the popular, but completely stupid phrase, "It's nothing personal. It's only business."
Steve, this post is way too long. Nothing personal.
Wow! I agree, Steve. We need to take “constructive criticism” out of our vocabulary and simply use “feedback”.
As for the “It’s nothing personal, it’s only business” statement, I hate that phrase. IT’S ALWAYS PERSONAL! If you eliminate my job because of a business move, it affects me personally. You can justify it in your mind all you want to make yourself feel better, but it doesn’t make it morally better. Like you state, Steve, people don’t do deals with companies, they do deals with people.
I hope that woman isn’t wasting her time watching Survivor or Ghost Hunters, or Bridzillas. You recorded a live feed, big deal if you took a sip of coffee or water or beer. People on stage do it all the time while they are giving live seminars. I say go ahead and drink your coffee.
Hey Steve! You will never please everyone. I happen to like it when you take a sip of coffee or fidget for a light. It makes you so much more personable.
Steve,
While you are right about the woman’s comment, I happen to disagree with your assessment about constructive criticism.
The woman who made that comment about the coffee and lighting clearly didn’t understand how to communicate constructive criticism. She did not offer any praise as to what she enjoyed about the webinar. Then, she did not offer any suggestions to improve. What she offered was tactless and blunt negative criticism, which can hinder growth and breed a lot of petty bickering and distrust in the workplace. I believe there are good methods out there, including constructive criticism, to help guide people better their skills if executed properly.
Steve,
I was with you all the way… until you got to “heuristics.” I must have “wasted” at least 15 seconds of my valuable time looking that one up.
David
You had me until you dismissed a quote from the Godfather. So let me offer some constructive, constructive criticism, “Leave the gun and take the cannolis.”
Now THAT’S funny, Jonathan!
Bravo! Im tired of everyone using the web to shield themselves as if they were not the one to disagree. People need to lighten up, have more joy and get over it! Nothing personal, just my 2 cents!
I must say that the only part of the Santa video that was a bit hard to listen to was when you were distracted reading tweets or e-mail messages while doing the presentation. It’s tough on the audience when you are distracted.
But, the content of the presentation was so good, I lived with it.
Just some constr …
Keep up the good work. I learn a lot from you.
You were too kind, I think I might have told her the same thing that the “chair” was trying to tell Clint Eastwood to tell Romney……..
In Toastmasters, where I have been an active member for many years, we refer to it as constructive feedback and it’s couched in what was done well and what could be improved for growth as a leader and communicator. Nobody wants “constructive criticism” as such. I enjoy your fidgeting – you are human after all and even though we are learning from you, it puts you in there with us and provides me with a few chuckles.
Wow…are you serious Steve? I HAVE learned a lot from you in the past, as well as in this video. That doesn’t mean you can’t improve. You could have used her comments to improve your image by being more professional and efficient. Regardless of what her attitude may have been, saying the same thing in 30 seconds less would be to YOUR advantage. Whenever we do ANYTHING poorly in our marketing, we are giving the impression (right or wrong) that we may be poor at our main offerings. I recommend you polish your presentation skills a bit and make your presentation even better than it already is. (I even find the frequent ums & ahs to be distracting & certainly not an indicator of professionalism). How do you like reading articles with speling misteaks in them? Keep up the good work – make it gooder!
Yes, Brian, I am absolutely serious. This webinar was a fun, unformal (is that a word?), holiday gift for my BFFs.
Ums and ahs are par for the course in all unscripted, live presentations, TV talk shows, radio interviews, panels, etc., regardless of who the speaker is. Spontaneity does that. Listen to Obama when he doesn’t have a script in front of him, and he’s considered to be one the best in the world. Having given close to 2000 paid presentations around the world myself, sharing and learning alongside the best speakers on the planet, I don’t know any of them who lose sleep over that, including Zig. I’m always working to get better at communication. But the definition of “professionalism” is not fixed. It’s in the eye of the beholder.
You’re talking about giving a big-time presentation that I should have rehearsed? Uh, that be a no from me. I put together great content and shared it in a fun manner. Everything has a context and if someone wants to offer feedback, not snarky criticism, they need to keep that in mind first. Your message is welcomed. Hers is not.
As I’ve always stressed, the most important component of marketing is understanding and talking with your specific target market. And we must all understand that we can’t and shouldn’t try to please everybody. As such, I don’t, and if someone doesn’t like my style, they don’t fit my market. That’s okay.
Like I said, many of the best speakers in the world are friends of mine. Everybody has their own individual style…all are professionals. I am not an orator, like Obama, Colin Powell, Nido Qubein, or Jesse Jackson. I don’t “give” speeches, I have conversations with my BFFs. I am no different off stage than on. I speak the same way in both situations and that’s the crafted and successful style I’ve developed over the 27 years of doing this. I will always work to get better, but it will always be WYSIWYG.
Steve,
I’m not sure whether I agree with your assessment that there is no such thing as constructive criticism. I can, however, say that if there is such an animal, this isn’t it. Focusing on such minor issues as your critic did while ignoring the value of the free content you were providing seems more than short-sighted. It sounds like the actions of a person who simply likes to criticize. There are, unfortunately, loads of people like this in the world and the best lesson they can teach us is how to stay focused and not let ourselves be distracted. Thanks so much for sharing with the BizSugar community.
I think the modern equivalent of “Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth” (to see how old it is) would be “If it’s free, you have no right to complain.”
🙂
How about, “It just looks bad.” When people say this, it insinuates they are SO superficial that they in fact do not care what the truth is and only care how “it” looks. “It” usually has something to do with your performance or even worse your personality. If I only cared about how I looked than I wouldn’t even need a soul… basically. I’d like to think I have a soul. “It just looks bad” Is not only a weak explanation, but a completely offensive come back to any argument in my opinion. Yea well, Einstein “looked” insane. Don’t you worry about how it looks. Keep your nose to yourself unless you see a problem with my results.
What perplexes me is how could you possibly know you were wasting her time? She’s accountable for her time and the off button. She was wasting her own time and blaming it on you and excusing herself with constructive criticism.
You cannot pull someone down and then lift them up at the same time. Just like you cannot mix darkness with light, why because they are opposites, and that’s why there’s no such thing as constructive criticism. This terminology is a subtle form of destroying a person’s self esteem which makes it even more sinister, and people have believed it for centuries but it’s not true.
You either have not been under the tutoring of a football coach ,or a military drill sergeant, or married. Or you think you have nothing left to learn. Bill
Thanks for your criticism, Bill! Your snarkiness 100% proved my point.
Played college football. Married for 32 years. Sorry. Steve